Asking out a girl that you like can be terrifying to most guys. There are good ways and bad ways of doing it. I get a lot of emails from guys asking me: “How do you ask a girl out?” They want to know the specifics of what to do. In this article, we are going to be going over how to ask a girl out properly.
But before I do that I want to share with you what you should NOT do when asking out a girl that you like.
1. Don’t become too invested in asking out any one particular woman.
If you are a single guy it is acceptable to be talking to and flirting with multiple women. The most common thing I see with guys is that they spend months or even years fixating on that one special girl. Don’t do this. It may end up ruining your chances with her. If you are too emotionally invested in the whole situation when asking her out she will notice. Girls are well attuned to people’s feelings. She will see that you are very invested in this and it will put a lot of pressure on her. Girls don’t like pressure. They like to have a good time and things should be fun and flirtatious. You should give off the impression that you can take it or leave it.
2. Don’t be shy.
If you’re always shy around the girl that you like she will get the impression that you are always like this. And why wouldn’t she? She may not know you that well. Show her that you are fun to be around and if she goes on a date with you it will be fun and low pressure. Girls love a guy who is comfortable in his own skin and who likes to have fun. It is very attractive to them.
3. Don’t ask a girl out to a dinner and a movie.
This is one the other most common mistakes I see guys make. It’s a terrible idea from a lot of angles. For one, in a movie every attempt at physical escalation you make is magnified. You want physical escalation to be smooth and this is impossible when you are sitting next to her in a movie theater. If you want to know why physical escalation is important read my other articles but for now it has to do with staying out of the dreaded ‘friend zone’. I will be writing more about this. Another reason why this type of date is a bad idea is that it is very un-original and stereotypical. It is possibly the most common type of date idea out there. It puts you in the category of 20 other guys who have taken her on this kind of date, tried to get in her pants and failed. You don’t want to be in that category and this date idea puts you exactly in it.
4. Don’t ask a girl out to ‘do something, sometime’.
This is another bad idea. “Let’s do something sometime” is not very specific. It’s like some vague possibility sometime in the future. Instead, you want to be specific like ‘we will meet at this place and do this’. Girls can sometimes be very busy, especially hot girls. They get asked to social events all the time and they have very little spare time to ‘do something sometime.’ You must plan where you would like to take her and be specific when asking her out on a date.
5. Don’t wait till it’s too late.
Many guys wait for the perfect moment to ask a woman out. The problem with this is that there will probably never be a perfect moment and the next thing you know she is dating another guy. Women have a lot of options and they don’t wait around. If she is single and in dating or ‘meeting people’ mode you must pull the trigger early. Also if you and a girl have been flirting for a while or have known each other for some time then she may even be waiting for you to make a move. You may not realize it but if you fail to make that move she will actually loose attraction towards you. You must watch for signs that she is into you and take action or she will think you have no balls. It is better to ask her out too early and get rejected than ask too late. To learn more about the window of opportunity and why it is crucial watch this video.
Now that we have covered the things to avoid I will explain what you should do.
1. You must establish attraction first.
Have you ever heard the term ‘nice guys finish last’? There is some truth here. You may be the nicest guy but if she feels no attraction towards you, you will not get very far. In fact, you may even end up in the dreaded friend zone. What you must do is establish some attraction and watch for signs that she is at least a little into you. Not long ago I wrote a lengthily answer on Yahoo Answers that answers the question “How do you know if a girl likes you?“. I plan on writing other articles that teach guys specifically what to do to build attraction. For now you could tease her a little like she is your little sister. Don’t go overboard but you could basically treat her like she is being a brat. This works especially well on hot girls. The thing to remember is that attraction should come before rapport building. If a girl feels at least some attraction towards you she will tend to be a lot more compliant when it comes to asking her out. You should also realize that women make decisions based on emotions rather than logic. You may be a great guy for her but she must feel this on an emotional level. This is the role of building attraction.
2. Tell her about something you’re doing and invite her along.
This is a great idea for girls that you are already talking to or have known for a short time. You want to have something that you are already going to or doing and then ask her if she would like to come with you almost as an afterthought. The magic of this little technique is that if she turns you down it really does not matter because you were going to do this anyway. It’s not as if you made an elaborate date plan and she just told you to shove it. So in her eyes you actually don’t lose much value. It can be a little easier for you to ask the girl out this way because it’s casual and low pressure.
3. Ask her out on a high note.
This is an important one. A lot of guys ask a girl out randomly in a conversation or even worse when the conversation is dying out. It comes off a little weird. The best time to ask her out is when you are both having a good time. You should gauge her interest in you and pull the trigger on a high point. If she is talking a lot (investing into the conversation) or looking at you like she wants to rape you then these are positive signs. Girls can turn down a lot of guys for dates not because they don’t like them but because they’re asking them out on a date out of the blue. So be smooth and make sure you do it on a high note.
4. Get tickets to something interesting that you would both enjoy.
You could get 2 tickets to a comedy festival or something that you know she may enjoy. You could pretend that your friend bailed on you and you are looking for someone that you could take. Casually ask is she wants to come along. This takes a lot of the pressure off. It’s not as if you thought about specifically taking her on a romantic date. If she knew this to be true she may feel a little pressured or trapped, especially if she doesn’t know you very well yet or hasn’t developed any attraction for you.
5. Plan the date before asking her out.
If you know what you will be doing this will take some of the pressure off you. If you have a set plan it will eliminate some of the unknown. Guys get nervous because they don’t have a set plan of action. Also, a lot of guys make the mistake of asking the girl what she wants to do. Trust me, you don’t want to do this. Girls hate having to make decisions. They just want to have fun and be taken along for the ride. This is exactly what you should be doing. Planning something fun and taking the girl along with you for the ride. She will be happy that you did this. Here are some quick date ideas:
meet her at a chill lounge or bar near your home for a drink
jazz bar
take her to the beach
take her to some interesting place that you have been to before where you can lead her around and show her cool things
cooking class
live entertainment such as a band
take her out for a game of mini-golf
karaoke
a park where you talk and preferably food
Remember that you want to keep it casual and fun. Formal dates put too much pressure on the girl and don’t get you laid. Formal dates put you into the category of the guy that will wait 5 dates before you sleep with her.
Also you should aim to keep it simple. The idea is for you to be able to talk and where there could be some other interesting things like artwork or music. You want to avoid a date where you are going to a party with her and 5 of her friends.
When asking her out, suggest a time and day. If she says she is busy ask her specifically when she is free. You want her to be able to commit to this time. One thing to avoid is to keep suggesting different times if she is saying no to the ones you suggest. This is not a good idea because it builds what’s known as ‘negative compliance’. This is where the girl is getting used to having to say no to you.
6. Be prepared for rejection.
If she turns you down don’t make it a big deal. You don’t really know what’s happening in her life. She may have someone that she is seeing, even casually or she may have just got out of a relationship. The fact is that it’s probably not you and there may be other things going on in her life. In the case that she says no, just change the topic of conversation and talk for a couple more minutes before leaving. You don’t want to make it seem like you were talking to her only to ask her out. Sometimes a ‘no’ could simply mean ‘not yet’. You should give her some space, talk to her some more and ask her out again another time. Remember, women like persistence.
7. Don’t get too excited if she does say yes.
Just be cool about it. You don’t want to seem like this was the first time that a girl has said yes to you. You want to make it seem like this is normal and happens to you all the time. Continue the conversation a little longer after she says yes.
